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[A raised eyebrow. He's holding a bottle of scotch and sitting on a bench. A minute ago he was at a party at Roy's place with Hughes and the others. It was a celebration party thrown in his honor because he had just made ranking of Lt.Colonel and Roy insisted that they have a few drinks. A few turned into a drinking game and to everyone's surprise, Ed drank most of them under the table.]

Eh heh...I win..

[He takes a drink from his bottle, obviously he's intoxicated beyond reason. He laughs softly and leans back against the bench then hiccups.]

[[OOC: I bring you Pervy!Edward. He's a lush, even more of a smartass than canon Ed, and he will probably grope your char if he see's fit. You have been warned.]]

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That's great! Um... what should I do... should I go home and get changed out of them... or is it okay like this? [assumes he's going to use alchemy or something to fix the zipper]

[And there goes his hands. He places them firmly on her ass and gives it a good squeeze.]

Na, I think I can manage like this.

[lets out a surprised squeak and startles a little but assumes it has something to do with fixing the zipper, because why else would he bother to touch her like that... or at all really.]

Um- O-okay.

[Slides a hand around to the front of her and yanks the zipper down.]

Huh..You may have to replace the zipper...

[Slipping his hands down into her pants.]

You mean you can't fix it? [sounds a little disappointed]

Gah! Wha- E-Edward what are you doing!? [squirms and tries to get away, but it doesn't work very well.]

Edward, I- You're very drunk right now aren't you? [sighs. It figures. That was probably why he was groping at her like this. He was simply too intoxicated to think straight, and his hands couldn't find the zipper to attempt to correct the damage.]

Maybe you should come home with me and lay down.

[Eyebrow raise.]

Only if you lay down with me.

[she assumes he doesn't feel well because of the alcohol and wants someone with him. Smiles.]

Sure, of course, if you want me to.

And maybe later I can play with your pillows.

[does not get his meaning at all, and instead smiles kindly.] Sure, Edward, you can play with them if you want to. They might be a little flat though. [wonders if she should fluff the pillows on her bed so that they'd be more fun for him to play with]

-glares, grabs your hand away from her- That's ENOUGH! Touch her like that again, and you'll answer to ME, Shorty!

[Blinks.]

Huh? She didn't put up a protest or anything. If she wanted me to stop she would have asked and I woulda stopped so...

[Sighs.]

People are so boring around here.

Well, as long as you swear to stop when she tells you to..

-smirks- You know, if you were about 2 feet taller, you'd be able to see that there ARE some interesting people here.

[Hiccups.]

Uh huh.

Glad you agree with me. So, what's your favorite drink? As short as YOU are, you probably get wasted on two ponies!

[Oblivious and holds up the bottle of scotch that's more than half gone.]

I can down more than two.

-looks at the bottle, impressed- Whoa! With that bottle and your size, you should've already reached toxic blood levels. And you're still standing? I'm proud of you, little guy!

[Grins.]

I can drink anyone under the table.

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Edward, I don't think you should really have any more.

Come on, we'll go to my place, okay? [is worried he'll pass out in the streets]

Mr. Russel? [blinks] When did you...?

I was on my way to the store when I saw this lush trying to grope you! Are you all right? Did he hurt you?

Grope me? Was that what-? OH! Oh no.

You see, my zipper... it sticks, and somehow Edward knew, and he offered to fix it but he's, well, he's very drunk and he just couldn't find it- the zipper I mean.

And... and I was going to bring him home so he could sober up. I'm sure he didn't mean any of it. [she explains being fairly certain nobody would just grope her like that.]

-nods- Be careful, my angel. Someone who's drunk like he is can be very unpredictable. If you bring him home he might try to take advantage of you. If you do still want to take him home to sober up, I'll go with you. That way I can get him undressed so he'll be more comfy.